I have never been officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I feel it is something that I do suffer with. I used to have some really bad times with depression and have tried to get help from the GP, i.e ringing and trying to book an appointment but they didn’t have any available appointments for another 3 days at which point I thought sod it, I will probably be fine tomorrow, so I have left it. The worst episodes that I experienced were while I was living in Birmingham and then when I worked in Manchester.
When I was living in Birmingham is when I really first noticed it, I would come home from work and just cry all night for no apparent reason, I could spend whole weekends in this state. Things did start to improve when I started running to try and loose weight for my wedding and moved back home to the North West.
When it started to effect me again was when I started working in Manchester. I was working 12-14 hour days and driving another 2.5 hours on top of that, I was exhausted, my work/life balance just wasn’t right and I was taking herbal calming tablets like they were sweets. After a year and a half I left, not because of the place of work, the job or the people, it was purely because of the work/life balance and my high anxiety levels.
Nowadays I still have my real down days but I have found it can sometimes be because I haven’t done any training, when I am due my period or when I am overly tired. I find it so hard to snap out of it and sometimes get angry with myself because I can’t, which then makes me angry and puts me back on the vicious cycle again!
My boyfriend has been extremely understanding and is really supportive, I really do not know how he copes with me really, but I am so glad he does.
The triathlon is a huge help for me in controlling the depression, it keeps my mind active and focused, it generally involves being outdoors in the fresh air which I love and I also love being around the people that have the same common interests as me, people that are supportive and encouraging, it really is such a great therapy for me.
Mental health is such a dangerous thing, acknowledging the fact you suffer with it is sometimes the biggest step to getting help. What I do know is that I am not alone and there are people and organisations out there to help me conquer and suppress it.
Please seek help, tell your best friend, tell your loved ones, I promise they will understand and I promise you will feel so much better for not bottling it up, you will be supported and things will get better. You are not alone.