So I have been debating as to whether to write a post about my year so far, the below was actually written a few months ago, that’s how much I have been wondering whether to post it, but I feel like I need to share it to just empty my head and allow me to share my feelings and thoughts.
In previous blog posts I have given you some insight to my life and the changes I have gone through over the years, my triathlon training, race reports and just general life/work posts. With all of that in mind, what could I possibly say that you all haven’t gone through this last year yourselves, afterall this is a worldwide pandemic that we are currently living and dealing with.
I have however thought I would share my experiences of the first part of the year, 1st lockdown and my surprise (pending) house move and my feelings about that. I hope that in doing so, you may realise that you might be feeling or did feel he same way or it may help you find positives to come out of this situation.
So where to start!!!!
March was when the UK was put into lockdown which for us in particular, meant closing the gym and the focus being switched to how we could keep an income coming in for both Ian and myself. This is where I am so extremely thankful for our previous careers in healthcare. I managed to pick up enough shifts to keep the bills paid and Ian signed up to a paramedic agency and ended up doing full time hours which was fantastic!
We decided to keep our clients and Facebook page followers moving during this period, by holding facebook live classes 3 times a week and also posted lots of ‘at home’, exercise ideas. I must admit though towards the end of lockdown the novelty wore off for our followers and for ourselves so we ended these just before we were allowed to open the gym up again.
Triathlon training eased off very slightly and the focus obviously switched from outdoor runs and rides to Zwift turbo sessions and short runs, and our swimming went from pool swims to weight sessions and banded work instead. Little did we know that all our races for the 2020 season were going to be cancelled and postponed to 2021. Something that I will post about another time as I really struggled with this part especially.
We really tried to keep to a routine, which we both needed and benefitted from and the amazing weather definitely helped during the lockdown period!
My birthday was in April, and Ian started to suffer with hayfever symptoms the days leading up to my birthday. He had a runny nose, fuzzy head and felt quite lethargic but we just put it down to the amazing hot and sunny weather we were experiencing in the UK and the walks we were going on.
I knew he must have been feeling under the weather as on my birthday I wanted to head out on my bike for a few hours, he felt to unwell to come with me. I of course, pulled a face as I wanted him to join me, but he insisted that I head out on my own so me and my pulled face rode solo.
Ians symptoms improved the days after this but I started to suffer the same, and in general just didn’t feel quite right. After exercise I had a bit of a cough but that was it really. At this point more shifts were starting to come through to the agency for NHS work but in the back of my mind something didn’t feel quite right so I discussed getting a Covid test done before offering to cover any of them. Short story is a had caught Covid. It took me around 6 weeks to start to feel slightly normal again, overall my symptoms were manageable but I can imagine if people had underlaying health issues and caught the virus, that things could be completely different and very dangerous! You can also see how difficult it can be for some people to realise that they even have it though which is the scary thing about it really.
Anyway lockdown gave us the extra time at home which allowed us to finally get jobs done which we never had the time to do in normal day to day life. Things like tackling the over grown garden/veg patch at the back of the property, clearing out the shed, clearing the attic space, painting the fence panels, you see where I am going with this, so when lockdown was lifted and the stamp duty was dropped it seemed a great time to take advantage and try and sell the house.
The few times that we did manage to get out and into Chester, this cemented these feelings and after a short discussion we put the house on the market. It got snapped up 2 days later which was fantastic as we had already seen a beautiful house in the perfect area for us both.
Fast forward nearly 3 months and the house move date is looking more and more imminent! With that said I had my first panic/anxiety attack on the way into work this morning. The realisation of all the memories, good and bad that I have had in that house, really hit me. I love my house and if I’m honest I don’t really want to move but I find the commute in and out of the city really frustrating and not time efficient at all. It also causes stress with regards to parking which is an issue for us every time we go into our gym. I know the work/life balance will improve significantly when we move and the area which we are moving to has so much more to offer than where we are currently. The only issue is that because of the fact we are moving from somewhere out of the city, to in the city centre, space becomes a premium, so we are in effect downsizing to the new property and outside sunny space is limited. I’m sure everyone has these little moments of doubt about whether you are doing the right thing etc, I know I am doing the right thing, its normal to feel like this and I’m sure once we are in these worries will disappear. The other issue that is causing anxiety is the fact that the property was bought originally with my ex-husband. We bought the house with the intention of it being our forever home to have and bring children up in. We completely renovated it and got it just how we wanted it, added a fantastic conservatory and amazing outdoor patio and entertaining space. I know life doesn’t always work out how we plan it, but one thing is for sure, I do truly believe in fate and what is meant to be. I mean, I just need to look at where all parties involved are now, how far we have all come and how we are all doing things that we have always wanted to do and even if it didn’t seem it at the time, the separation has allowed us to follow our dreams and give us the life that we actually wanted all along, for that I am grateful.
I have some fantastic memories in that house though, but also some sad and unhappy ones. I believe I am on the correct path that fate wants me to take and I am so much happier now than I have ever been, I just need to trust in the process. When I left my husband, I took on the property, so it became mine, something that I was and still am, so proud of. Don’t get me wrong I am excited about buying the new house with Ian and to the new beginnings and new start for both of us, but I think I am scared, the thought of ‘I’ve been here before and it didn’t work out last time’, the fact that if that did happen and Ian and myself split, I am stuck with a more expensive house to upkeep and renovate and could I afford it all. I feel sick at the fact I even have this thought process as it’s as though I am doubting my relationship with Ian already, of which I don’t at all. This is a long term deal we are entering, whether he likes it or not ha ha! With regards to the house itself, although it is smaller than my current house, the potential that this property has is the appeal. It is a trendy and bustling area of the city, with a village butcher, green grocer, coffee shops, bars and restaurants which are all a 5 min walk from our doorstep, plus the city centre is a 20 min walk away, so 20 mins to get to our gym and less than that to get to the swimming pool. Already we get the community feel from the area, the train station is 10 mins walk away, it really is going to improve our work/life balance and once again the property itself has so much potential, I just know it’s going to be hard work to get it to where we would like it to be.
Anyway I am sure there will be plenty more updates with regards to the house move, it’s been stressful at times and no doubt will continue to be so for some time, but I’m excited to get moved and start new our new life and fresh start together in this soon to be home.