Well the one thing I can be certain of this year is neither of these things have happened! Once I knew the first lockdown was taking place my motivation packed its bags and hasn’t returned since, in fact if anyone finds it please kick its ass and tell it to return home please.
As much as I tried though to scrape something together race wise for the year, the desire to train wasn’t in me, I think I knew deep down that those late season races just wouldn’t be able to take place so why bury myself in the pain cave. In a way I’m still feeling the same way now and it’s actually been setting off panic attacks post turbo sessions. The session would sometimes go ok, my power would be slightly down, but this is normal for this time of the year anyway, but in the cool downs I wouldn’t be able to get by breath and have a panic/anxiety attack, they are truly horrible and really scary. It’s weird because there isn’t really a trigger, other than they happen post exercise/exertion. They were also something that were occurring quite often during my recovery from Covid so I’m not sure if this is a long term issue from contracting the virus? It could also just be from the amount of pressure I know I put on myself and seeing that I am not performing as well as I know I can or should be, could also be a trigger? From this point of view I know I do it but equally its not intentional and I don’t mean to, I just want to do well at things and want to push myself and the realisation that I’m not living or performing up to this standard is hard. Plus sewing my competitors on social media completely smashing it, doesn’t help either!
Why do we do this to ourselves!!!??? It shouldn’t matter about anyone else, plus If this was a client I would be telling them too not pay attention to it, to not be so hard on themselves, to find positives in their own training, set small targets and to look at where they were last year in comparison!
Anyway I am really looking forward to getting back to races next year but already feel pressure of not having races under the belt from this year and loosing out on that experience, I wonder whether I will be going in rusty.
Next year is actually a huge year for me, I’m 40, so not only do I go up an age group but I have the expectation of a memorable year ahead of me as well. We have decided to give the postponed World championships (sprint and standard distances) a miss next year and concentrate solely on middle distance. We even managed to get a place at the iconic Alp D’heuz triathlon which has been on the bucket list for a few years now and we are both extremely excited about.
At the moment I think my expectations of next year aren’t particularly high at the moment, to simply race would be a success, but to also perform to the standard I know I can would be amazing and to do my sponsors and coach proud and that’s all I can hope for right now.
Aside from racing I’m hoping to get more involved with coaching others. It’s something I have been doing anyway for the last few years, but I still have a huge amount to learn. I especially love helping those triathletes who are new to the sport and have that new enthusiasm to do well, I really want to help encourage and focus that energy.